


Mistletoe

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam just wants to have a normal life, Christmas Fluff, Condiments Kissing, Crack, He can forget about that, John's A+ Use of Condoms, M/M, Michael Sulks, Michael's Flock, Mistletoe, More Like Short & Savory, Multi, Potatoes, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The main problem with living alongside a former Trickster God, a reformed Satan, Heaven’s most powerful archangel, a rebel angel, a monster hunter and an ex-demon-blood junkie is that nothing is sacred. You’d think that with four angels and three holy vessels living under one roof, things would be different. You’d be wrong, and your name would also be Adam Milligan because he was the only one (in)sane enough to have expected something different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> An AU in which Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, Castiel, Dean, Sam and Adam are all living in the bunker for unexplained reasons. All seven of them form a flock. The rules of this arrangement will be explained in further detail in later parts because I'm making this up as I go along.

The main problem with living alongside a former Trickster God, a reformed Satan, Heaven’s most powerful archangel, a rebel angel, a monster hunter and an ex-demon-blood junkie is that nothing is sacred. You’d think that with four angels and three holy vessels living under one roof, things would be different. You’d be wrong, and your name would also be Adam Milligan because he was the only one (in)sane enough to have expected something different. 

The angels’ (it was mostly Gabriel and Lucifer’s idea; Michael was scandalized and Castiel insisted that he’d been in the corner fucking Dean) most recent shenanigans involved mistletoe and a heinous abuse of Heavenly power. 

The mistletoe was everywhere. It was on the ceiling, on the walls, in the showers, under the toilet, in the toilet, under pillowcases and tucked in between sheets. Nowhere was safe. Nothing was safe, as Adam had figured out when he’d caught the condiments making out next to the vegetables with little mustard-y and ketchup-y mouths that had grinned up at him between kisses and nearly given him a heart attack when he’d been expecting to have a normal day and open up the normal refrigerator to make a normal sandwich with normal condiments like a normal person. He slammed his hand down on the counter. “God damn it, John, why couldn’t you have used a fucking condom!?” 

“He did,” Michael’s voice said from somewhere behind him. “I still remember the look on Jerahmeel’s face when I tasked him with breaking it.” He hid a secret smile. “Looking back, it’s quite funny.” 

“That is so much more than I ever needed to know.” 

He turned around to find that Michael was standing three feet away from him. He groaned, closed the distance between them, and started to plunder his mate’s mouth. The mistletoe wasn’t just any mistletoe, because that would make his life too easy. No, it was archangel-enhanced mistletoe. Whoever stood under it simply couldn’t resist kissing anyone who stands within five feet of them. Gabriel and Lucifer had thought it would be a convenient way to get in Sam’s pants even more than they usually did without considering the consequences to the rest of their flock.

The archangels, of course, could avoid the mistletoe whenever they wanted. Michael didn’t kiss anyone but Adam, and Gabriel and Lucifer stuck to kissing each other and the middle Winchester. The rest of them were helpless under the plant’s magic.

He remembered when the mistletoe had forced him to kiss Sam. Michael and Lucifer had had an hour long standoff and had almost started Apocalypse 2.0: New and Improved, as if they needed the world to end again, and Gabriel had moaned and groaned about having to be the brave savior of the world once again before throwing Sam over a nearby table and starting to fuck him. It had distracted Lucifer and disgusted Michael enough they abandoned A2NI, Lucifer to join Gabriel and Sam and Michael to sulk in the garden about how his lover had been corrupted by ‘Lucifer’s Vessel,’ the name he called Sam when he was mad at the hunter. 

He also remembered the day when the little green-leaved plant had made Castiel kiss Sam. Dean had exploded and drove off for hours, leaving Cas a nervous wreck and Sam feeling incredibly awkward. The makeup sex had lasted for hours because none of the archangels believed in soundproofing because when one of them had sex, all of them had sex due to the fact that they didn’t even pretend not to get turned on by each other’s sex noises. (Well, Michael and Dean did. Michael and Dean didn’t count.) 

The archangels only turned the mistletoe off when it was time for meals. Michael and Lucifer insisted that they eat together as a family, and when the two eldest angels insisted on something, it got done. (The only exception was when one of the couples (or threesome, in the case of Lucifer, Gabriel, and Sam) went out for a dinner date. Michael had insisted at first that they obtain permission from him first (Michael had insisted on a lot of things, at the beginning) but Castiel had called bullshit and went down on Dean next to the mashed potatoes. (The potatoes ended up with a little something more in them by the end of the night as the others soon joined in and started pleasing their respective partners.))

The rest of the time was fair game. Even, as they found out one interesting afternoon, the night. Adam and Sam didn’t have to worry much about it due to the fact that they had archangel lovers, but Dean and Cas had evidently been forced to sleep apart by the mistletoe’s overwhelming effects. Cas had cornered Lucifer and threatened to have Gabriel kill him (Gabriel had always been oddly protective of Cas) if the archangel didn’t let him sleep with his beloved Dean. Lucifer had snapped his fingers and promised him a solid eight hours for the duration of the Mistletoe Apocalypse. 

The most interesting part of the mistletoe’s effect was when Sam stood near both Lucifer and Gabriel and was torn between kissing them both. Sometimes they’d draw him into a three-way kiss; other times they’d run Sam ragged by standing five feet away from each other and forcing the hunter to sprint back and forth between them as he desperately kissed first one, than the other. 

Thankfully, most of the mistletoe was gone by the time New Year’s Day rolled around. The one in the toilet was still there, though. Not even Lucifer would go near that one.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Christmas jumper tragedy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834150) by [carry_on_wayward_trenchcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_wayward_trenchcoat/pseuds/carry_on_wayward_trenchcoat)




End file.
